Wednesday, November 6, 2013


I have news. 

News that I've been wanting to say for the past five years. 

Unravel. is. Done. 

It feels so good to say that. It's like taking a deep cleansing breath!

Carry on with your day and know this book is on it's way. 

Not tomorrow. 
Or the day after. 
But very soon. 

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Better late than never.

My last post was in May. MAY? How is that even possible?

I took a little hiatus from everything. In June my family and I welcomed the fourth addition to the Read family. She's a beautiful little girl that we absolutely adore! I'm soaking up all the time I can with our little Prinzessin before I blink and she's 5 years old, then 10, and 18... you get the picture. :)

But I thought I post an update on what I'm working on.

Unravel, Unravel, Unravel....I think this book will be the death of me. I really, really do. I've had this story for years. It's more than a simple story to me. I find myself clinging to this story. I write, re-write, then re-write each chapter until it feels just 'right'. I didn't think I was perfectionist, but now I'm beginning to think twice about that.

Naomi is my first character. That first creation of mine who's voice is so strong it scares me. There's times I'm shaking when I'm writing, that my hands can't type fast enough for her words. I can usually relate to my characters. But with Naomi there's nothing we have in common. Yet, I have the strongest bond with her.

I'm hoping to announce the release date very, very soon. But in the mean time, be on the look out for some teasers of Unravel!! You guys are being so patient. I love you for it!

This is a story I'm so excited to sit down an write. I love Lily Partlow. When I first outlined Every Which Way, Lily was truly just Severine's friend. That's it. I didn't see her story or her personality. But she came alive while I wrote the story out and there's so much about her that I can relate to. Rennick Blake (Severine's half-brother) is in this story, along with Severine.

It also has a re-vamped cover.
Check it out! I absolutely LOVE it!

And to what you're probably really reading this for...the SLOAN BROTHERS!!!

Mathias. The oldest Sloan Brother. The one that hides his story behind sarcasm. From day one, I've wanted to know his story and get under his skin and find the truth.

The heart of his story will be in Germany. Of course one book from the Sloan Series HAD to be in Germany. These brothers have to get back to their roots. Especially Mathias. If there is one brother that has to find himself it's Mathias.

Can I tell you WHERE in Germany? Well, there will be many scenes a different towns in Germany, but mainly it will be set in Garmisch. I went there last September and FELL IN LOVE. It's such a beautiful town. Surrounded by mountains. I'm planning a trip to go back there again and I can't wait.

The cover is being worked on right now. Mae I Design is creating something amazing!!

Want a small sneak peek? 
I told you it would be small. ;) 

EVERY CHANGING WAY: This will be Severine and Thayer's story.

I'm discovering that I like Thayer a lot more than I thought. I love complex characters, the "villians" if you will in a story. I understand them. They have pain and flaws and there's a reason why they got to be the way they are. I like to untangle their background and get to know them.

Thayer isn't complex. At least I thought he wasn't. I could definitely get on board with this new Thayer.

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Sneak Peek at Unravel!!!

I'm so excited today because The Autumn Review has the first CHAPTER of Unravel!!!

*deep breaths*

I am working on this twisted story right now, and I'm so, so, so anxious for everyone to get a glimpse into Naomi's world. 
I don't even have the right words to really describe this book. 
It has me shaking with excitement. Makes me anxious to write and scared to see what happens next!!

So go! Go read the first chapter and tell me what you think! 

Click here for the First Chapter!

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Book updates!

Yesterday was really exciting for me. The cover for Unravel and it's blurb was revealed!!! YESS! This book has sat, and sat and sat on my laptop for years.

Before the Sloan brothers, there was THIS story. It has a extremely special place in my heart.
I'm SO excited about this story because it's so different from the Sloan's. It's dark, twisted, angsty, and has a romance that should have never happened.
Not forbidden.
Not wrong.
Just impossible. 

Everything in this book revolves around time. The blurb? It describes the book perfectly.

Thursday, April 4, 2013

Cut Scene from Breaking the Wrong!!

Happy Thursday!!

I came across this scene a few days ago. This is a scene between Macsen and Emilia, and lately, I've been missing them!
It was cut before the book was edited so there might be some errors!!



I walk through the aisle. My finger trails over every spine. 
My Saturday is being spent in a bookstore...with Macsen. And that may be boring to a lot of people. But I’m happy. More than happy. 
It’s been years since I’ve felt this content. I’ve lived with revenge for so long that it’s almost foreign not having it driving my thoughts and controlling my actions.
With a wide smile, I find the book I’ve been looking for. “Here it is!” 
Macsen comes up behind me, and leans his head closer to look at the title. “Rebecca? What the hell is this book?” 
“It’s amazing.” He tries to grab it and I move away from his grasp. “I read this my sophomore year of high school.”
“I’ve never heard of it. So why is it in the classics?” he challenges.
“I don’t know, Macsen. Maybe you haven’t read everything yet?” I tease. 
He smiles and I like it. Those grins happen more and more the longer were around each other. 
“So what’s this book about?” Macsen asks.
I tap my finger against the cover and hand it over to him. “Read it. It’s very good.”
Macsen says nothing and follows me as I go down the aisle. I bend down to scan the shelves. When I get to the T’s, I practically squeal. “This is what I was looking for!” 
I hold up Anna Karenina for Macsen to see. 
“Another classic that I haven’t heard of?” 
“Yes!” I lean back against the bookshelf and flip the book over. “I want to read this before the movie comes out. Once I see the previews for it, I’ll picture the actors as the characters,” I admit.
Macsen smirks. “The movie adaptions are always terrible. They leave something out. It’s impossible to get every detail from the book into the movie.” 
I nod my head in agreement. “I’m not a huge movie watcher,” I confess. “I think I watched one movie last year.” 
Macsen’s eyes widen. “Are you serious?”
“Completely.” My fingers flip through the pages as I keep talking to him. “I used to watch them with my sister all the time until-” 
I realize my mistake. I’ve said way too much. There’s pressure on my chest that makes breathing impossible. 
Macsen shifts closer. “Until what?” 
Pulling myself away from the shelf, I give him a smile and try to side step him. Macsen anticipates my action and blocks me. He frowns at me, his eyes filled with concern. “Until what?” he repeats. 
My shoulders shrug and I pat his chest with my shaking hand. I try my hardest to keep my voice light. “Until she grew up. It wasn’t her thing.” 
He’s silent. I can’t tell if he believes me or not. I’m dying to grab on tight to him and tell him everything. Right here. Right now. Keeping secrets from him is an extra laceration to my heart. It burns. 
But he doesn’t push me. Macsen gives me a grin and I smile back slowly as he drags a hand down my hair. “So if I want you to watch a movie with me, will you do it?”
If it was anyone else I would say no. I look up at Macsen and my heart calms down. “I’d watch one with you,” I admit. 
“Can’t believe it.” He smiles as we walk toward the cash register. “I’m learning a lot about you.”
I give him a weak response. “I’m really boring.”
“You’re really fascinating,” he insists, as he pays for my books. I let him without putting up a fight. We walk out the door, and toward my car. He keeps talking. “You hate spicy food and chicken nuggets.”
“Because I got sick from eating those two things!” I say heatedly.
“Fair enough,” Macsen concedes and shuts the driver door. “But sleeping with the television on? That’s not something I expected.” 
“I like the noise,” I murmur and put on my seatbelt. “And I hate the quiet,” I admit. I think my soul lets out a deep sigh because it’s the truth. I hate silence at night. I hate waking up to nothing. It scares me, it makes me panic because you’re left with nothing but you’re thoughts and memories. 
“I’ll buy an even bigger television for my room,” Macsen says. His hand grips the back of my seat as he turns his head over one shoulder and backs out. When he puts the car in drive he looks over at me with a shy smile. “If you stay over tonight, you can have whatever you want.” 
I clutch his hand before it slips away to shift gears. My chest is heavy as we drive out of Lexington. I’ve talked to him more than I’ve ever talked to someone. He knows my quirky habits that would make anyone else raise their brows, but when I tell Macsen, his shoulders shake and he laughs like I’ve said the funniest thing. 
We’re getting closer and I know my time with him is getting shorter and shorter, because sooner or later, I know I have to tell him the truth. Macsen deserves to know. But how can you tell someone that you moved across the country just to get revenge against them? I don’t think there is any easy way to say that. 
Leaning back in the passenger seat, I watch him shift the gears of my BMW with ease. The driver seat is pushed back as far as it could go and Macsen still looks cramped up in the small space. His window is slightly cracked open, and it blows his dark hair around. With his concentration on the road, I only see his profile. His brows are slanted down as he stares ahead. Right now, he looks severe and a little dangerous but there’s nothing to watch out for with Macsen.            He’s not dangerous, he’s wounded. I know it in the way he grips me tightly, like I’m going to leave him and never look back. 
Together, we’re nothing but stitches and scars. Maybe I’m crazy and naive but I think if I spend more time with Macsen, my scars could fade away until I was blemish free. 

Sunday, March 24, 2013

Breaking the Wrong Epilogue.

Never underestimate the power of readers!! I gave you a goal and you all kicked my ass. :)
I'm so excited for everyone to read it!!

*If you haven't read Breaking the Wrong or Every Which Way, I wouldn't read this. Might spoil some things for you. Okay... a lot of things. :) *



The skirt of my dress blows with the wind. I hold it against the back of my thighs as Macsen and I walk up the porch. 
         Nervously, I smooth a hand down my yellow, short-sleeved sweaterdress as Macsen rings the doorbell.
         Looking down at me, Macsen smiles. “Why are you so nervous? You’ve met them before.”
         Owen and Macsen’s step-mom, Jayni, came to visit in March to see Macsen and Thayer. The whole time I was a nervous wreck. And now that I’m here for Easter, I'm somehow, even more nervous. Maybe it was the fact that it was a holiday, a time that you spend only with your family. And people you love.
         I smile nervously. “I know but I’ve never been to their home!”
         “It’ll be fine,” he says confidently.
         The red door creaks open and Macsen’s step-mom smiles widely at Macsen and I. “Hello!”
         She reaches over and hugs me tightly. “It’s so nice to see you again, Emilia!”
         I smile widely. “You, too.”
         Jayni looks over at Macsen and gives him a warm smile. “Macsen, it’s good to see you.”
         The two of them hug briefly and I know that it’s a positive sign.
         Since I’ve been with Macsen, I know he’s worked hard to have a relationship with his dad and Jayni. There have been bumps, but the fact that he willingly travels to Missouri and openly hugs Jayni is a step toward the positive.
         “Come in. Come in.” Jayni urges. She opens the door wider and Macsen lets me step through the door way first.   Their home is rustic, with worn wooden floors, a staircase that leads to the second floor on the left and open windows letting in fresh air.
         “Where is everyone?” Macsen asks.
         “In the dining room. We’re getting ready to start dessert.” Jayni leads us through the living room and to her open dining room, with a large oak table in the middle. Severine sees us firsts and immediately perks up. She walks over and hugs me tightly.
         It turns out my roommate had more good than I could imagine. It was just hidden by the many layers of confidence and sarcasm. But I see it, and now that I do, I consider her a close friend.
         Thayer nods his head and smiles at us before goes back to the pie in front of him.
         Owen stands up from his chair and makes small talk. His hair is dark like Macsen’s. A few pieces of gray are starting to creep through. But he has the bright green eyes that Macsen has. He speaks bluntly like Macsen and if I wasn’t used to it, I would probably be afraid. But Owen just makes me smile widely.
         Before he walks back to his seat, he gives us both tight hugs. This family hugs. A lot. But I think when it comes to Macsen and his dad it’s almost a necessity—to make up for lost time.
         “Emilia, have you met Mathias?” Jayni asks as she cuts another pie.
         I shake my head and look over at the guy sitting next to Thayer. Mathias has the same dirty blonde hair and gray eyes as Thayer but all similarities stop there.
         Every single Sloan brother has a rough, dangerous quality to them. But there’s something to this Mathias. He stares me straight in the eye boldly, without caring how uncomfortable it makes me. I stare back, but I shift an inch toward Macsen.
         There is a harshness to Mathias’s features. He lifts his brows at me and I think that’s his greeting. I don’t know Mathais’s story but, if it was anything like Macsen’s, I don’t blame him for being angry.
         “Hello,” I say quietly.
         “Hi.” His voice is deep, making every word practically rumble out of his chest.
         Macsen and I sit down and talk as we eat dessert. The conversation is light and friendly between all of us. Except for Mathias. He sits back and just watches everyone.
         After an hour and one empty pie pan later, Owen and Jayni go into the kitchen to start cleaning up.
         “I need to go the bathroom,” Severine gets up from the table and my eyes instantly zoom in on Thayer.
         Thayer has been silent and fidgeting in his seat every few seconds the entire time we’ve been here. A few times I thought he was going to vomit.
         I take Severine’s absence as an opportunity and lean closer. “Are you feeling okay, Thayer?”
         His gray eyes bulge wide before he nods his head. “Yeah. I’m great.”
         “No, you’re not,” Mathias says solemnly.
         I nod my head at Mathias anxiously, glad that someone is seeing the same thing I am. “Seriously, you look like you might throw up,” I comment with concern.
         “Don’t be blunt or anything, Emilia.” Macsen murmurs next to me.
         My hand settles on Macsen’s shoulder and I rub the muscles there gently. “I’m not. Thayer’s been like that the whole dinner!”
         An exhausted sigh escapes Thayer. He slumps against back against his chair and stares up at the ceiling before he looks at the three of us. We’re all staring at him curiously. “Okay. I’ll tell you guys what’s up, but keep your mouths shut.”
         We all respond by nodding our heads.
         He opens up his blue blazer and pulls out a black velvet box. My heart speeds up when he reveals a large diamond ring.
         I gasp loudly, and practically jump across the table to get a better look. “You’re going to propose to Severine?”
         Thayer nods. “Yes.”
         Macsen stands and leans over the table with me. He peers at the ring. “Are you serious?” He sounds shocked.
         I look at him over my shoulder. “It’s sweet,” I argue.
         “It’s strange,” Mathias says with a raised brow.
         Thayer snaps the box shut and looks over at Mathias. “How is it strange?”
         “You’re twenty-two. Kind of young,” he comments.
         “Not young at all," Thayer bites out. "But you’re right…guy who has slept with his student… who is seven years younger than him. Please, tell me about age.”
         My eyes widen. I glance at Macsen and he looks just as shocked as me. Mathias’s face turns pale instantly. He quickly hides it with a dark smile but I saw everything in that expression. And so did Macsen and Thayer.
         There’s still something between this mystery girl and Mathias.
         Macsen speaks up. “When was this?”
         Thayer smiles widely. “A year ago?” He looks at Mathias, completely ignoring his brother’s dark glare. “He was her piano instructor.”
         “You play the piano?” I ask Mathias.
         He shakes his head. “Used to.”
         There’s so much about this oldest Sloan brother that I don’t know. And I really don’t think I want to know.
         “Wait…” Macsen interjects. “What’s her name? Where did this happen?”
         Mathias’s jaw clenches tightly. “Her name is Katia. I taught her in Füssen.”
         Macsen sits in his chair with a frown on his face. “In Germany?”
         “No….” Mathias drawls out. “The Füssen in Africa.” Everyone stares at him dully and he smirks. “Yes in Germany.”
         “And she lives in the states now?” I ask.
         Our questions are starting to annoy Mathias. He looks at me sharply. “She’s here in the states. I saw her a few days ago.”
         Thayer slaps his hand on the table and grins. “So that’s why you’re more of a dick than usual!”
         “Look, I don’t know why I’m talking to any of you about this. It’s none of your fucking business. So let’s drop it,” he demands.       
         “What’s going on?” Severine asks from the entryway.
         Everyone freezes and slowly looks at Severine. She shifts awkwardly. “What?”
         I pull my eyes away, knowing I’m a few seconds away from smiling widely and giving everything away.
Macsen shrugs. “Mathias is just going through nicotine withdrawl.”
         Mathias sighs and stands up. “He’s right. I need to rectify that right now.” He walks past Severine and gives her a cryptic smile.
         Before Severine can say anything Thayer stands up and walks over to her. “I’m ready to get out of here.”
         He pulls her out of the room before she can say anything. She gives me a questioning glance over her shoulder and I shrug, trying to look clueless.
         When they walk out of the front door. I stand up quickly. “I want to go outside.”
         “You do know that he’s not going to propose in front of everyone, right?”
         I stare at Macsen skeptically. “How do you know?”
         “Because it’s Thayer…and he’s private,” he shrugs.
         “Well….” I drag out and tug on Macsen’s arm. “I still want to go out.”
         The patio door slams behind us, and I inhale in the clean air and walk to the white railing in front of me.         
         Macsen’s wraps his arms around my shoulders and guides me to rest against his chest.
         “So much for fresh air,” Macsen says close to my ear.
         I glance across the porch and see Mathias smoking a cigarette. His arms are braced against the railing and it looks like he’s ready to kill something.
         “He’s…scary,” I admit.
         Macsen shrugs. “Not really. Just a lot of bark—no bite.”
         Nodding my head, I look at the scenery in front of me. Thayer drives down the driveway and I practically shake over what’s in store for the two of them.
         But my excitement burns out a bit when I glance at Mathias. There’s more torture to him, more confusion than I’ve ever seen in one person.
         I love trying to guess someone’s story, but I don’t want to know Mathias’. Whoever Katia is and whatever happened to them might be darker than my mind can handle...

Saturday, March 23, 2013

What is next?

First thing is first...the release of Breaking the Wrong.
Deep breath.
You guys' have made this release AMAZING. I read EVERY review and all of them make me tear up because I was so scared over this story. I was playing with fire by having my main characters two characters that weren't exactly golden at the end of Every Which Way. But you guys' GET THEM, and that means so much!

So many stories are in my head. It's not even right!! But each and every one has me so excited and I can't wait to share more with you about them!!

But here is what I'm working on RIGHT NOW: Mathias' book, Ruin You Completely. I like that each one of these Sloan brothers gives me a challenge and pushes me to go further than I'm comfortable with.
But we all know Mathias is the most challenging brother. Thayer, Macsen and Mathias all have hidden layers to them. (Like we all have.) But I think Mathias has WAY more than I really expected.
Next month I plan on posting his synopsis but I can't wait for everyone to really get to know Mathias and to meet Katia. These two... these two already have me shaking a bit.

After Mathias' book, Thayer gets a book. I didn't plan that. I thought he was done in Every Which Way, but when I started outlining and writing out Mathias' book, I started to think, "What if these two (Sev and Thayer) were tested? Would Severine stick around or would she bail?"
Yes, they've been through a lot. But I think this is more than a test. Thayer's the golden boy, and throughout everything that's happened in the Sloan Family, he's been pretty resistant to those changes.
But I'm seeing him differently now that everything is CHANGING for him. And I kind of love it!!

After Thayer, I hope to work on Lily Partlow's book (Remember Severine's best friend?) Her story has been weighing on my mind for months. I see it over and over in my head. I just need to sit down and write it out. Or there needs to be more time in a day. :(

ANDDD. Then there's Chris Bresloff. I've read your messages and comments and YES, Chris definitely has his own book. He's too crazy NOT to have his own story. :) You've been introduced to the girl in his story already. His book will be out in 2014.

Emilia's siblings: Aniston and Eden? Those two will have their own stories. Yesterday, Aniston's story came to me and I was frantically writing everything down before I forgot because it's GRIPPING me. It has some nasty layers of reality and the truth of what's really out there that we turn our cheek to. I'm so excited about it!!

And that's what I'm battling over writing right now, Mathias or Aniston.. Mathias or Aniston.
Either WAY, I love both stories so much.

Check those bold words. You might find the title for the last Sloan brothers novel. ;)

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Breaking the Wrong Giveaway

To celebrate the release of Breaking the Wrong I feel giving. Which never really happens...ever. This release day has been amazing and I'm so grateful to everyone for spreading the word!!! So now that BTW is in everyones hands, I want to giveaway signed copies of Every Which Way and Breaking the Wrong, ANNND a kindle fire!! a Rafflecopter giveaway Don't forget when I get to 50 reviews on Amazon I'll post the original epilogue of Breaking the Wrong that will show you whats in store for Thayer's book and Mathias. Can't wait for everyone to read it!!!

Sunday, March 17, 2013

Breaking the Wrong is LIVE!!!!

YES! Live!! I pressed publish early this morning thinking that it would take awhile. And not even an hour later I was getting alerts that it was live.
And I think I almost had an ulcer.
I was hoping that each book release would become easier. I pictured walking away from the computer and having a relaxing day.... um, NOPE!! I think I'm even worse this time around!! LOL

But I'm taking deep breaths and my house has never looked cleaner. ;)

Here are the Amazon links. When it goes live on B&N, I'll post!!!

Hope you guys enjoy Emilia's story!!!

You can buy HERE!!

AND to celebrate the release of Breaking the Wrong, Every Which Way is on sale for .99 cents!!!
You can buy HERE!

Saturday, March 16, 2013


So exciting, and I've only been sitting on this for a few hours but it feels like a few years! I've never been really patient. EVER. 

But I'm so excited to show you the new covers to Every Which Way and Breaking the Wrong. 

Cover by Mae I Design & Photography 


Cover by Mae I Design & Photography 

I'm so in love with these covers that I could stare at them all day!! ANNNDD only three more days until Breaking the Wrong is released! 

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Sloan Brothers Giveaway!!

I'm so excited about the release of Breaking the Wrong that RELEASES IN EIGHT DAYS, that I wanted to do a pre-giveaway!! So what's up for grabs? An ARC of Breaking the Wrong (that are being sent out this week!) and a $50 Amazon or B&N gift card!! I'm so nervous/excited/impatient for everyone to read Emilia's story and of course to read more about those Sloan Brothers. I hope you guys are ready!!! a Rafflecopter giveaway

Saturday, March 2, 2013

Breaking the Wrong Prologue

March 25th is coming up. So soon!!!! EEEP!
I think it's time to share the prologue with everyone!!!


            No one ever suspects the quiet. 
         If you sit in the corner, usually, you will be left alone. 
            But there’s always a chance that you’ll be a target to someone.
            They see the quiet that you’ve built around yourself and it’s like a beacon to them.
            Their scope becomes set and all it takes is one hit. 

            I stare down at the entry with tears in my eyes. The high school journal is normally kept in a box, in my closet. When I get dressed, the box practically beckons me to grab the worn journal and read through it again. 
            I’d like to say that everything written inside is just theatrics and nothing really happened, but it’s all true. I know every story and emotion written on these pages. 
            With a flick of my wrist, I shut the journal and gently place it on the smooth surface of my vanity. My index finger traces the cursive E on the front of the journal in slow motion. Stalling. Somehow, the thought of leaving my room and meeting my family downstairs makes my gut churn. I don’t want to act like everything is fine in my life.  
            My long fingers hover above the knob on the vanity. Tucked away tightly is a list I am determined to follow. 
            Every day that passes is more time I’ll never have back.
            Determination boils to the surface.
            Wanting out. 
            Sounds of rain rap lightly above my head. There’s something therapeutic knowing that around me the ground is being cleansed of past marks left behind from a careless creature or object. 
            Strong winds come with the rain. Glacial air seeps through the cracks of the patio doors that lead to the balcony. New York, the weather here is always unrestrained.   
I’m used to it. This is my normal. For that reason alone, I hate it. I know I should make a change.            
            So much in my life has remained the same. Where exactly has that gotten me?   
            Without knocking, my younger sister walks into my room like she owns it. “Okay. I have the magazines you wanted.”
            Eden has strength that shows with every step. She carries features that most would try to hide. Bold nose, strong cheekbones, and pale skin. Her dark red hair is pulled back in a tight bun that should look severe, but she pulls it off.
            Eden loudly drops a stack of magazines. I glance up at her. “Thanks for getting them. Did Mom notice?” 
            “Nah.” Eden grabs the computer chair across the room and scoots close to me. “She’s getting her war face painted on and that could take hours, so we’re good.”
            It’s almost six o'clock. In a few minutes, we are expected downstairs. Dinner at the Wentworths’ isn’t a regular affair. When you step onto the first floor, your clothes are required to be perfect, along with everything else. I learned at a young age that the name Wentworth is all about image. Upkeep will always be the top priority. You need endurance to survive in our world. The people our family rubs shoulders with believe that money can change whatever you’re unhappy with ... or your plastic surgeon can.
            I peer into Eden's light brown eyes, identical to mine. We share so many physical features. But the minute one of us opens our mouth, the similarities come to a screeching halt. 
            I straighten my back and grab the first magazine in the pile. “Thanks for stealing them.” 
            “No problem. But why did you have me go all Nancy Drew and sneak around the house for these stupid things?” Eden points at the magazines her private school sends once a month. 
            “I plan on crossing every name off my list.” Only a few weeks ago, I created this list with Eden, and even though she may have forgotten about it, it’s still on my mind. 
            “Seriously?” Eden makes a noise and widens her eyes. “That was just for fun.”
            “I’m going through with it,” I continue. “This burn list is not a maybe. It’s just a matter of when.” 
            “So, let's say you cross off every name on the ‘Burn List’ ... what happens after that?”
            How will it feel to be rid of all the demons from my past? 
            I’ve tried so hard to use those two annoying F words: forgive and forget. It never works. I can forgive, but no matter how hard I try, the memories never fade. Forgetting is the worst because there’s a trigger for every memory. I have so many around me, I’m constantly on guard.
            I know I’m hardened from everything, because after my family’s last annual Fall party, I sat with Eden on my bedroom floor, with a bottle of our mom’s Pinot Grigio in between the two of us, and created my Burn List. Eden giggled and smiled the entire time. I think she considered this a What If list.
            The next morning, our little list was on my mind. I woke up still dressed in my gown and with a hangover that made me cringe with every step. I grabbed that stained list off the floor and read through the ten names. 
            I pictured what it would be like to see the regret and recognition on all ten faces. A sick sense of power unfurled in my belly.
            Something broke in me that night. It has stopped being a game and is now a reality. The Burn List is the only way I know to escape my past, my means to forget.
            It’s simple: I want revenge.
            My eyes drift away from the magazine. I drop it onto my black skirt and look up at my sister. “If I do this, I feel like I’ll be correcting everything that has happened.”
            Eden lowers her head and stares at her feet. “This feels weird.” 
            She picks up the crinkled paper. I keep my hands firmly at my sides so I won’t reach out and yank it from her. “Our list,” her eyes scan down the paper, “I think it goes deeper for you.” 
            “It does.” And, honestly, how it doesn’t for Eden is beyond me.
            Repeatedly, she taps her fingernails. Her face is becoming pale, and I know she’s getting uncomfortable. “How? By bringing it all back onto them?” 
            Eden’s heart is kind and pure and true. 
            I used to be honest and good. Now, I’m bitter. Three years ago, my kindness covered me like a pure white blanket. Soon after, my white heart started to have tiny flecks of the truth splattered against it.
            Tainting it.       
            I think it all goes back to durability. How strong is someone when devastation knocks on their door and becomes a squatter in their lives? We’re all tested at one point or another. Eden picked herself up easily and comforted the rest of the family. We crumbled and she stood tall.
            “Is it wrong that I want justice?” I ask.
            “No, no, no.” Eden holds her hands out in the air. But I’ve let it go, why can’t you?” 
            There is no answer I can give her. I look down and run a finger against the dark polish on my nails. Doubts are starting to seep into my head, about whether I can do this—whether I have enough guts in me to cross each name off one by one.
            I may be bitter and hurting from the past, but I’m not vindictive by nature. The Burn List is completely out of character for me. Just writing it out felt strange, I wonder how it will feel to actually go through with it.
            But then I picture my sister when she needed me the most. She was innocent and didn’t know what she was getting herself into.
            My heart squeezes tight.
            “What are you thinking?” I ask Eden quietly.
            “I’m thinking that your mind is a scary place.”
            “Not true, I didn’t pull this plan out of my ass yesterday. I’ve been thinking about it for a long time.”   
            I decided a while ago that I didn’t want physical damage done. Physical wounds fade and disappear. I want emotional harm because those wounds never heal properly. I’m not telling Eden that…
            I look at her with sad eyes and rest my elbows on my thighs as I lean closer. My voice is soft but firm. “I’m doing this for us...” 
            Eden releases a shaky breath and gives me a firm nod. “Do it then,” she demands quietly. “If you need this, do it.” 
            I pat her hand and smile. “That’s exactly what I needed to hear.” 
            She clears her throat and discreetly wipes away a tear. “So, Emiliana Wentworth...” Eden drags out, using my full name. “Who’s your first target?” 
            I go through them all, but purposely leave one out. With every name comes my plan for each of them. She listens with unblinking eyes.
            When I finish, she picks up one of the many magazines and points at it. “Why did you have me gather all these if you have everyone’s payback plotted out?” 
            “I still have one,” I say cryptically. “I don’t know when to hit this person, I just know it needs to be big. Look through the magazine.” 
            “What’s the name I’m looking for?”
            I tell her reluctantly. The name has been ingrained into my brain for years. Eden’s face turns pale. She recognizes the name.
            There’s a method to my list. Each person is in order from how they hurt my family. Start from the lowest and end with the highest.
            We sit quietly. The only sound comes from our hands turning the pages of the magazines. They read more like gossip columns. A few months ago, I wouldn’t have cared less about what was written on the pages. But now, they hold all the information I need.
            Eden goes through her magazine slowly and I know she isn’t with me. She has tunnel vision and all she sees is the past.
            “I’m done,” Eden says sadly. She stands and tosses the magazine on the ground. “I’m going downstairs. I can’t keep looking through these things, trying to find someone that I don’t want to remember!” 
            I pause in my search and look over at my sister. She stands with her hands on small hips and blinks back her tears. I walk over to give her the tightest hug I can manage. “I’m sorry,” I pull back and give her a weak smile. “You can go if you want to.” 
            “Thank you.” Eden is halfway to the door when she turns around to look at me.    “When you find enemy number one, don’t tell me, okay?” 
            “I won't.” 
            The door clicks softly behind her. I walk back to where we sat and pick up the magazine off the floor. I stare at the cover, a picture of a few students walking through the halls with bright smiles on their faces. When I went there, boys and girls were separated. They had their own private school and so did we. A year ago, they converged.
            My steps are slow as I walk across the room and scan the back page. Close to the bottom, in small block letters, is the name I’ve been searching for. I read through the entire article. Twice. This small article holds all the answers I need.
            I have a plan.
            I lay the magazine on my desk. With a red marker, I circle the face that destroyed my life.
            “I know everything you did,” I whisper at the picture. The face still smiles. I press my finger deep into the paper and my nail makes a line through the smiling face. “You’re going to regret everything.”